Lesson #7: Being a Mom is HARD WORK whether your child in here on earth with you or if they are in heaven.
In anticipation for a second child, I had a mental list of how I could handle the double-diaper duty that was forthcoming.
- Larger diaper bag. (Polka dots, please)
- Large Stash of Wipes (Cucumber Melon and Green Tea scent, please)
- Sets of reusable bags for the multiple outfits I would need to carry with me everywhere.
- Sets of washable bags for the dirty clothes that would follow me home.
- Boy clothing (blue/red/green sleepers and a suit for special occasions)
- A bow tie (insert the excited clapping hands here…I love a good bow tie)
I knew how much work it was to remember all the things for my first little lady as an only child. And I will be the first to admit that I am pretty sure I carried with me way more than I really needed…first time mother problems…they are real!
If we were to discuss Enneagram types again, I would tell you that I have a strong 5 wing…a 5 thinks about things very logically…
And I was thinking about mothering two children extremely logically at this point. Ruthie needed to stay in the crib for a while longer and the little lad could just use the pack ‘n play in our bedroom until the crib was available for him.
This second child did not need as many outfits as his sister had had. (Boy vs. girl problems, right!?!)
The little boy would sleep just as well as his sister had. (I know, I know. I am rolling my eyes at my younger self, too.)
Basically, I was trying to plan to make what could have been considered a little chaotic a little less stressful for my life.
So even though Daniel never came home and I never had to keep diapers or outfits for him in my diaper bag, I found mothering him to be a different kind of hard.
No longer were my tasks to train him to obey or to tee-tee in the potty, or settle himself to sleep, my task was to let him go to the One who held my little boy in His arms.
Oh, and the letting go was harder than the holding on. At least for me.
I so wanted that little boy to have in my arms. To see him fish with his daddy and pick on his sisters.
And subsequently train to love/protect his sisters instead of/in addition to picking on them.
But since his death, eleven years ago, I have learned that much of parenting is more about letting go and letting God than it is about me controlling and orchestrating.
God is a much better parent than I ever hope to be.
He loves my children way more than I ever could.
And thankfully everyone in my house is a child of God. We all have an amazing Heavenly Father who loves us.
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21