I am either a five with a six wing or a six with a five wing on the enneagram. If you don’t know about the enneagram that last sentence just sounded like a foreign language you can’t speak.
Translation: I need time to process and I need security.
So when Daniel died and we met with the funeral home, I was overwhelmed at the thought of a receiving of friends…I wasn’t even sure what had just happened. I could not process the comments and affections from publicly opening up this Life Celebration to the public.
So instead we asked that the obituary not show up in the paper (does anyone still get a newspaper?) until after the funeral was over.
We only invited our family and close friends to the funeral. About eighty people or so.
And I asked our church family not to call me. Someone else served as a liaison between me and the meal coordination…I just couldn’t handle it.
And then I started feeling lonely. Because it wasn’t like I had just asked everyone and their brother to leave me alone or anything…
Lesson #3: Even when you feel lonely, you are not alone.
This may seem like the most obvious message of all times…but it took me a while to remember that God was with me even when I felt like no one remembered me or my pain.
I am going to make a statement here that you may disagree with…and that is totally fine.
Here it is: I don’t believe that God planned for Daniel to die…I think He allowed it to happen and all the while He was saying to me, “I am here.” “Let me help you.”
We live in a fallen world and unfortunate things happen a lot.
Like babies dying.
And yet, God walks with us and I have learned to look to Him when I need to process the world around me.
And sometimes I gain understanding.
Other times, my faith grows because I can not understand the whys or whens of events that happen in this fallen world. And that is okay…I have had to learn to be okay with the unknown because I trust the known God..
Because none of this is a surprise to God. And He has never left me to walk this life or process its events by myself.
And I can praise Him for that.
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18
“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8
“And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20
“Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed. Oh, save your people and bless your heritage! Be their shepherd and carry them forever.” Psalm 28:6-9