Our first Christmas together, Dustin wrote me a poem. He has a real gift for writing. (Yes, that was a hint that he could write me more poems…) I was touched by his expression of love in the poetic form.
I have looked and looked and much to my dismay I cannot find the original poem he sent to me. (See how much the poem meant to me!? Truly, I am sick that I cannot find it!) However, I remember (kinda) how the last stanza went:
“I look forward to with her growing old
This brown eyed girl allergic to cold”
I had never before thought of my aversion to cold as an allergy, but alas, it was true. Just as I was allergic to the pollen, I was allergic to the cold.
In my efforts to keep from chilling, I had a game plan. I wore long underwear and wool socks. I slept with extra blankets and heated rice bags. I always kept an extra layer or two in the car in case I ever was caught off guard by a chill in the air.
And yes, I will confess here before God and everyone, that it was me who would occasionally turn the thermostat up one to ten degrees depending on the severity of the cold in our home.
Because the bottom line is this: I DO NOT WANT TO BE COLD.
You know what I else I don’t want to be? Sad. I don’t want to be sad because sad means something has gone wrong, someone is hurting, a heart has been broken.
But Is it possible to keep myself from being sad? From having disappointments?
The answer is simple: I can’t. And I am sorry to break this to you, but, you can’t either.
You could try to keep yourself from experiencing events that make you sad, but, , your order may arrive damaged, and your expectations may not go exactly how you planned.
I had to decide two things in my life.
- It was okay to get cold. As much as I disliked it, I could not prevent it.
- It is okay to be sad.
My job is to live my life to the fullest realizing that there will be hurt and pain and sadness and disappointments along the way. It is my responsibility in these good times and bad to keep my eyes focused on the Lord. I should never fear what I cannot control, but trust the God who loves me and will work all things for His glory…whether in cold weather or in warmth.
And just a side note: Now that I am older and have birthed several children, I am not as cold natured as I used to be…but I still dislike the cold. But now I also dislike the extreme warmth…basically,I would like to have a personal thermostat to program so that I do not get over or under heated.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
“Steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord. Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!” Psalm 32: 10-11
“Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.”Psalm 119:165