I Want to Like the Kavu Bag…

I Want to Like the Kavu Bag…

Confession #1:  I am not the coolest cat on the block.

Confession #2:  And I am okay with that.

While I may not own the latest fashions (no LuLaRue leggings here…yet), there occasionally are items that I think, hey I like that…maybe I am cooler than I thought.

That’s what I thought when my oldest daughter got a Kavu bag for her birthday.  She had been eyeballing them and making mention of how she would like one for months, so when her birthday rolled around, Grandmama knew exactly what to get her!

Here’s the thing about my Ruth (she is just like her daddy in this), she will look at something and investigate it for months and months, but when she makes up her mind that she likes something and would like to get it…it is a done deal.  She had been googling Kavu bags and reading Amazon reviews for months declared that she wanted a Kavu bag.

So while we were in Kentucky last week, I asked if I could try out the Kavu bag…and Ruthie so kindly agreed to let it be “my” purse for the weekend.  I loaded that thing up and slug it over my head like a really cool hipster (because you know…I can go back to my cool days…wait, did I have any of those?!?)

And here’s the thing…everytime I needed to get anything out of it, I had to slide it in reverse over my neck.  And after the forty-second time that someone needed hand sanitizer or a tissue, I realized that I might also need some thick cream for my neck where I was rubbing it raw with this Kavu bag.

After day two of Kavu bag coolness, I had made my decision…no Kavu bag for me, but I was most appreciative of the opportunity to try one out before I went whole hog with the new purse.

So anyway, we spent the end of last week in Owensboro, Kentucky and had a wonderful time!  Everyone there was SO FRIENDLY and the museums were absolutely fabulous!   The girls and I shopped for shoeboxes while Dustin was in some meetings and enjoyed the ministry that is “Hobby Lobby” and “Target.”  And of course, we enjoyed the ministry of the “Chick-Fil-A” after we finished shoebox shopping!

And be this weird or not, I always enjoy trying out new grocery stores when we are in new cities.  Last year, I fell in love with the “GIANT” grocery store in Virginia and this time I tried out a new and FABULOUS Kroger!

None of this is relatable to the book or to infant loss grief, but we are more than that.  We are a family trusting God through all of life journeys!

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”  Proverbs 3:5

Join Me in Prayer

Join Me in Prayer

I “met” a sweet lady on Kelly’s Korner Blog a month or so ago.  Kelly has been having “Fellowship Fridays” and has been highlight amazing women.

Though I have never met her, Jordan Street’s story touched my heart.  Her sweet daughter, Lucy, was born earlier in October.   She has a severe form of Ebstein’s Anomaly. This will require multiple heart surgeries before the age of 2 or 3 years old (one surgery before she can ever leave the hospital when she is born.) There is even a chance Lucy won’t survive.

Today, I want to ask you to join me in praying for Lucy, Jordan, David and big brother, Hank.  Let’s ask God to work in ways that only He can…that He may get all the glory and honor and praise.





While at the beach, I watched this little boy waiting expectantly under the large buckets at the splash pad.  He had hit the activation button just a few seconds ago and was waiting until those buckets filled up.  Standing right under where they would dump the water that had been building.

I cannot even imagine what would possess a person to stand under a bucket of cold water.  If I have to choose between a cold shower or not showering, I will just put on a little extra perfume.  Remember?  I am allergic to cold.  

In the months following Daniel’s death, I remember waiting expectantly. But I wasn’t expecting good things.  My son had just died and so all other “bad” things were fair game.  I remember dreading each next phone call or interaction.  What else could go wrong?  I had heard that when it rains, it pours.  

And quite honestly, just like I would have opted out of the cold shower, I would have liked to have opted out of the whole “losing a son, grieving and world being turned upside down” thing. Thank you very much.  

But here’s the thing.  I was wrong.  My expectations were wrong.  Instead of expecting God to show up and work amidst my life, I expected more bad things to happen to me.  I suddenly began to think of myself as  a modern day Job.

Over the years (and especially through our baby losses), I have learned to take everything to the Lord.  EVERY.  THING.  And I have learned/realized what a sin is is to doubt our Lord and Savior.  

I have learned to expect great things from God.  I have learned to expect to see Him at work in the good and the “bad.”  I know that in all things I must turn to Him.  I must give EVERYTHING to Him – the good, the bad, and the proverbial ugly.  

He can use it for His glory and His good, when we surrender it all to Him.  

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act.”  ~Psalm 37:3-4

“In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.”  ~Psalm 56:4

“Let not your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God; believe also in me.”  John 14:1

“Expect great things from God.  Attempt great things for God.”  ~William Carey

October 15th

October 15th

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day in the United States.  It is a day for parents to remember the child/children who they hoped would be here on earth, but whose home is heaven.

This month is also recognized as “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness” month.  As such, I have gotten a new opportunity to share at the local library.  In doing some research for my class and for this month, I have found the following memes.  While I cannot say that I agree with everything the groups who have posted these stand for, I found these memes to touch a special place in my heart.


Then I came across this poem that touched my heart:

“Some would say I didn’t even know you, but I carried you, felt you grow, longed for the day we’d meet, dreamed of your future.  Not only did I know you, I fell in love with you.” (From Mommies with Angel Babies)

So on this October 15th, I want to encourage you, that if you have had a loss, you are not alone.  And I know that it hurts and that the pain never goes away.  But I hope you find comfort in the assurance that your baby is in heaven.  And I pray that you know that you will one day see him/her/them again.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:10


Allergic to Cold

Allergic to Cold

Our first Christmas together, Dustin wrote me a poem.  He has a real gift for writing.  (Yes, that was a hint that he could write me more poems…)  I was touched by his expression of love in the poetic form.  

I have looked and looked and much to my dismay I cannot find the original poem he sent to me.  (See how much the poem meant to me!?  Truly, I am sick that I cannot find it!)  However, I remember (kinda) how the last stanza went:

“I look forward to with her growing old

This brown eyed girl allergic to cold”

Romantic…I know.   

I had never before thought of my aversion to cold as an allergy, but alas, it was true.  Just as I was allergic to the pollen, I was allergic to the cold.  


In my efforts to keep from chilling, I had a game plan.  I wore long underwear and wool socks.  I slept with extra blankets and heated rice bags.  I always kept an extra layer or two in the car in case I ever was caught off guard by a chill in the air.  

And yes, I will confess here before God and everyone, that it was me who would occasionally turn the thermostat up one to ten degrees depending on the severity of the cold in our home.

Because the bottom line is this:  I DO NOT WANT TO BE COLD.

You know what I else I don’t want to be?  Sad.  I don’t want to be sad because sad means something has gone wrong, someone is hurting, a heart has been broken.  

But Is it possible to keep myself from being sad?  From having disappointments?  

The answer is simple:  I can’t.  And I am sorry to break this to you, but, you can’t either.  

You could try to keep yourself from experiencing events that make you sad, but, , your order may arrive damaged,  and your expectations may not go exactly how you planned.

I had to decide two things in my life.  

  1. It was okay to get cold.  As much as I disliked it, I could not prevent it.  
  2. It is okay to be sad.  

My job is to live my life to the fullest realizing that there will be hurt and pain and sadness and disappointments along the way.  It is my responsibility in these good times and bad to keep my eyes focused on the Lord.  I should never fear what I cannot control, but trust the God who loves me and will work all things for His glory…whether in cold weather or in warmth.  

And just a side note:  Now that I am older and have birthed several children, I am not as cold natured as I used to be…but I still dislike the cold.  But now I also dislike the extreme warmth…basically,I would like to have a personal thermostat to program so that I do not get over or under heated.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.”  Numbers 6:24-26

“Steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.  Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!”  Psalm 32: 10-11

“Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.”Psalm 119:165




October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  In honor of this month and in memory of all our babies in heaven, I am offering free shipping for any purchases of I Have a Brother books through my paypal link.  (Sorry Amazon shoppers, the Amazon fees are too much for me to offer free shipping there!)

Starting this month, I have also gotten bookplates and can personalize them if anyone would like to donate a book (to a library or medical office or NICU) in memory or in honor of someone.  I am working with local OB/GYN offices and a few local NICUs to allow us to donate books to their offices to share with clients who experience a pregnancy or infant loss.  (They cannot purchase my book because it could be considered offensive because of its Christian content, but we can donate them to these places…like the Gideons donate Bibles to hotels…just in case anyone would benefit from reading them…).  If you would like to donate a book, you can put your donation information in the comments box of your purchase through paypal or send me a message through the contact page here.

Thank you for all of your support with this project!  I pray that many may know the love of Christ through their infant loss because of this book!



What kind of blogger takes a month off?

What kind of blogger takes a month off?

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I do!

I did not mean to take a month off from blogging, but as I wrote earlier, I am trying to keep my eyes on Jesus and let Him lead me on each step of this  journey.  (Is it weird that the song, “Jesus, Take the Wheel” just popped into my head?  HA!)

So just to catch you up, over the last month, I have read some more wonderful books (including some historical fiction, some super encouraging books and a few of my favorite “self-helps”).  I am even plowing my way through a 400+ page fiction book…let’s just say that Daphne has NEVER read anything that long in her life!  I never liked to read as a child.  I read Cliff Notes for all my high school tests.  (Confession is good for the soul!)

Our family finally got to take a vacation with Dustin and it was simply wonderful!   We swam most every day and took the ferry to Fort Fisher and enjoyed the aquarium again this year.  (Did you know that homeschoolers in NC can visit each aquarium (and the zoo) for free once during each school year?)

I have written a few more devotions and have been given a few opportunities to share about what God has done in my life through our son Daniel’s short life.  I will share more about those opportunities soon as I am hoping to be a more regular blogger 🙂

So I am interested to know:  what are you reading these days?  I am loving me some good books and winter is a coming, so I want to make sure that I have my arsenal of good reading materials ready for the winter…just please don’t recommend too many 400+ page books!!!!