Psalm 28

Psalm 28

Daniel died very early in the morning on January 28, 2007.  My husband pulled out his Bible and read Psalm 28 and then we all cried.

Honestly, I don’t know if I cried because of the words of the Psalm or because of what had just happened, but I know we all cried.

And yet, I remember feeling somewhat comforted.  I believe that is the power of God’s word.  Anytime I am feeling lost, alone or sad, I can read God’s word, the Bible and I know I am not alone, I know that I have a reason for hope and a future.

After we came home and settled into our “new normal” life without Daniel, I remember looking at Psalm 28 again.  The verses that stuck out to me were six and seven:

“Blessed be the Lord!  For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.  The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.” 

I knew the Lord had heard my prayers for Daniel to live.  I knew the Lord had given me strength to walk this journey.  He had allowed me to have two days to process the idea that my son would not be coming home with me.  That instead my son would be going to his eternal Home. Read more

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I am done.

I am done.

I just finished.

I think I am done.

The story God laid on my heart to write and publish is ready to publish, should the Lord see fit to send the funds for such.

And I am in tears.

I don’t want to have a story like this. I don’t want to wonder what it would be like to have a nine-year-old boy living in my house.

And I don’t want to sit here and cry.   I hate crying. It makes me feel sad. And I don’t like sad. I like happy and hopeful. Not sad.

And yet here I am. Overcome with emotion. Real emotion that makes you cry until there is a little puddle beneath your bowed head.

It has been over nine years since I held my son in my arms and his heart stopped beating. Over nine years since I left the hospital and stayed in a hotel room that a friend had gotten for us.  Over nine years since I told the nurses that whether or not Daniel lived or died I trusted the Lord.

And I did. I mean I do. I did and I do. I trust the Lord. His plans are not mine. Read more