The other day we were having a little lesson on the internet with our girls. I explained to them that there is so much information on the internet that it is amazing…and sometimes a little creepy, but amazing, nonetheless.
So the girls wanted to google their own names and surprising, they had information about each of them.
I am still not sure how I feel about this.
So I joined in the party and googled my name. I had several images pop up…the last of which was this:
Thank you very much, Mr. Google, but what you come up with is not exactly true.
As hard and as sad as it was to carry Daniel for eight months, give birth to him and have him die in my arms, it is not who I am today.
I don’t live in a state of sadness and grief, but rather I know there is hope and a future. Given to me only by the grace of a loving God.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
I knew that verse by heart when Daniel died. And my head and my heart had a hard time connecting. If God has great plans for hope and a future, how could it be that my son that just died?
Maybe you have felt this way also.
It took me some time to bridge the gap between my head and my heart. Honestly, there are still times when I am overcome with emotion and sadness when I think of the nine year old boy who could have been living under our roof. I have to just sit and let the ugly cry be, well, ugly.
But the Lord has been so patient with me and has blessed me tremendously with His peace and grace and love. And I am so thankful that He didn’t give up on me and that I did not give up on Him. After a period of time, I was able to once again read the Word of God and not be overwhelmed with sadness, but rather see through the proverbial fog that seemed to have settled over my mind.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:11
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.” Psalm 40:1-3a
This earth that we can see and touch and all of its tangible goodnesses, is not what matters most. It is what we understand best as human beings, but it is not the end all-be all.
Christians must remember to never forget that there is a home being prepared for us in Heaven where there will be no death and no tears and no sickness…and we can look forward to that.
It also helps to know that my son is waiting there for me.
I praise the Lord that when we experience an earthly loss, our sorrow is only temporary…
Something that Mr. Google certainly does not understand…but through faith in Jesus, we can be certain of.